Rejuvenating Oneself

 JUNE 20, 2012 - WEDNESDAY

So today it was off from work. I didn't tell the folks at home. Not because I wanted to do any "kalokohan". But because I've been drained and thought I needed time for myself. I needed to unwind so that I can come back home and give my 100% again. But being the person I am, I knew I couldn't last the whole 8 hours being alone. So I gave my friends a call. I won't go into the details here, but we have a complicated friendship. It's hard when all you can offer for them is friendship, yet they can't settle for that. Nevertheless, these two had always had a soft spot for me. :) One of them accompanied me for the last 5 hours of my off.

So what did I do today?

1. Got my nails done.

Cannot decide what color to put on so I had the lady put all three on. Haha. :))

2. Had a FOC (Free Of Charge) Full Body Massage

3. Read and Ate by the beach while watching the sunset

I'll never get tired of this. :)

4. Walked along the beach under the stars. :)   [ good exercise that was. :) picture to follow ]

5. Spent the last few hours with a buddy at Coffeeworks. :)

Thank you for this picture. I feel like it doesn't look like me at all. Haha. :))

TODAY I LEARNED:

You will fall in love with your friends. You will create a second family with them, a kind of tribe that makes you feel less vulnerable.

TODAY I REALIZED:

The last thing I need is "that special someone". What I need now is a guy bud. Nothing more nothing less. A guy bud who's willing to be there 24/7. Someone who'll patiently listen to my rants. Someone who I can talk to whenever I need a boost of happiness whenever I need a companion. Someone who does not have his best of interest at mind, but just wants me safe and happy. I need a guy bud that will not desert me at times of need, who will not get tired, who will not ask anything from me. I need a boy bud that will act as a brother, as a father and as a proof that not all guys are the same.

Future Someone,

Do you think you can handle my family? It’s not easy, but they’re not going anywhere so are you willing to learn? Can you handle uncomfortable questions and disapproving looks from time to time?

Do you know the idea of marriage makes me feel claustrophobic? Do you know that when I say “yes,” I want to be absolutely sure? Do you realize there’s no guarantee that will happen?

I can’t be the center of your universe, that’s way too much pressure and I will disappoint you. Do you understand that there will be times I will disappoint you?

Are you willing to try with me? Are you willing to throw your heart in full speed? Are you willing to cut the cord when you know it’s not working, or are you going to push to the very end and make me be the one to say what’s on both our minds? Are you going to be honest with yourself about what you want? Are you going to be honest with me about what you need and when you’re not getting it? Are you willing to be honest?

As told by Thought Catalog

Dear Tatay,

THE MAN AND FATHER THAT

NEVER LEFT,

NEVER FAILED

AND NEVER STOPPED LOVING.
You will and forevermore be my inspiration and hope. You're a living proof that not all men are the same. I say this every year, and I'll never get tired of saying so. To my Tatay, HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!
I know you're watching us from up above.

TWO OF THE GREATEST FATHERS I KNOW ARE UP IN HEAVEN. :) #Tatay #Yahweh

May 1997

 Dear Tatay,


I know it's too late now, and that you'll never be able to read this anymore. But I believe that somewhere up there, you can hear my heart.


I know I was probably too young to remember all those nights you and Nanay stayed up to tend to my needs. But being with you both for the first 6 years of my life does have a big impact. But to this day I still feel that you and Nanay were the ones who raised me. Though technically mom has been taking care of me for 15 years already. I remember however on the day of Tatay's Jee's wedding, I cried my heart out because the neighbors told me I was just your grand daughter and not really your daughter. I remember Nanay persuading me to unlock myself out of the room. I remember her caressing me and leading me out the door. I remember the both of you scolding whoever said I wasn't your own daughter. Tatay, I miss you. :'(

I'm sorry for that day way back primary school in Australia. You came to pick me up from school and I said some pretty awful things I did not even think over. When all you wanted was for me to say I love you to you. I'm sorry, Tatay. It has been eating me up since that day. It's been over 10 years, but I still regret that moment. :'(


I'm sorry, Tatay for not taking care of you when you were old and unable, they way you took care of me when I was still young and dependent. :'( You were sick and I did not do enough. You were closing to your death yet I did not do my part. I had every inch of opportunity to make your last few months count, yet I shied away, I denied, I even lied about being pregnant.

Tatay, if you were still alive now, I know you'd love your granddaughter as much as you loved me. Maybe even more. Tatay I know you're watching over us both. I know that you have been her angel ever since the day she was born. I know it for sure. She calls out for you, yet she has never met you.


Tay, mahal na mahal kita. Isang araw, magkikita tayo ulit. Isang araw sinisugurado ko, ako naman ang mag-aalaga sa iyo.Ikaw ang tatay na binigay ng Diyos, dahil alam niya ikaw ang kakailanganin ko. Naming lahat. Salamat sa pagiging Tatay sa akin. Dakila kang ama. :')

May 2008

Always and Forever,
Kaleng Aleng

She's Hard To Keep Up With

JUNE 12, 2012 - TUESDAY

A girl like me is hard to handle. I wasn't always like this though. If you can handle me the way I am now - all toughed up, hard headed, life full of issues, and bipolar; then I assure you, once you've got me, I'm a keeper.

Love and it's days.

 JUNE 11, 2012 - MONDAY

• Sunday love, all comfortable and familiar.

• Tuesday love with its caring and closeness.

• Saturday love where you know it’s too good to be true and you’ll wake up the next day and it’ll all be over.

• Monday love, where you wonder what the hell you were thinking and the next weekend seems to be incredibly far away.

• Thursday love where it all seems so close and yet there’s so much standing in the way.

• Wednesday love where you’ve got all this history but feel like you’re in a rut and every day is the same thing.

Right now, I want a Friday kind of love. I want that possibility and recklessness and passion that only comes knowing there’s so much that could happen, and never mind that sometimes it doesn’t live up to your expectations.  

as told by Thought Catalog

At the Pit Stop

June 08, 2012 - FRIDAY

I said I didn't want to write about any guy in particular but here I am, writing about him and the memories I'm left with.

I don't know why but for some apparent reason, every 7th day of the month, I get all melodramatic. It starts just a few days before the 7th and would last until a couple of days. The first few months were hard, knowing by heart that there is no longer an occasion to celebrate. Then eventually it got easier, the day would come and I would just preoccupy myself. Now it happens subconsciously. All of the sudden my mood goes rolling down hill and I only come to realize why once I notice what date it is.

Has that ever happened to any of you? I honestly cannot tell if I'm just being dramatic about all of this or if this whole thing affected the heck out of me and even though I try so hard to out run it, it still catches up to me.

I still believe in him and I still stand firm that what he did was the righteous thing to do. Yes we only lasted for a couple of months, but I know it was sincere. We honestly loved each other. But I guess I was never the one for him. He was meant to be hers, period. I was just a pit stop he needed to be able to get back on the track. I repaired him, took care of him, filled in what he needed at that time, maintained him. But just as a race car gets back to it's original route after being repaired, he did too. He went back to her, and it was alright. From day one I always knew he would. He never had it in him to desert her. And that made me love him even more.

A Continuous Cycle

June 06, 2012 - Wednesday

#enough said. I can't even.. ugh.

Chilling on a Friday Night

June 01, 2012 - Sunday Evening

This evening I went out to meet some friends for what I thought was a dinner gathering. I should have known better. . . Drinks galore! Haha. :)) It was only 6:30pm, yet 4 bottles were already out. Bacardi 5.1, Vodka, Jose Cuevo and Absynth. Talk about hard drinks. Haha. :))

Just look at those colors!

I brought Alezza with me since I thought we would just be having dinner. The guys were getting me to drink but I refused since I had Alezza with me. Nonetheless, they insisted I take one shot. Here's the picture. Disclaimer: I did not drink that shot. Haha! :))

Forever one of the guys. Haha!

Alezza as always was very bi-polar. Here's proof. Haha!

Sad Baby

Happy Baby

Hyper Baby

Here's a picture of the group. Although we weren't complete. Tyrone left for a while, Ralthter was the photographer, Tam and Harold took forever to get here. :|

OUTFIT PROFILE:

Bracelets and Necklace from Boracay and Iloilo markets. Discovery Shores Boracay Baller. Disney Mickey Mouse Watch. Belt from Manila Market.

All in all, the night was a good night. :) They boys were heading out that night. I wanted to come with but needed to take Alezza home first and settle her in bed. But by the time it was time to head out, my heart and mind told me to stay beside her instead. So that was what I did. :)

At the end of the day, Alezza always wins; because at the end of the day, I'm a mother to her before anything else. Deciding to stay home and cuddle beside her na lang rather than to go out. #FB