Let Life Take Place.

August 19, 2013

Isn’t it funny how sometimes when you’re so steadfast of how you’d want a situation to turn out, life hits you unexpectedly and re-routes you to a journey you never knew existed? Isn't it funny how sometimes you’re so sure of yourself that this time around, you've had enough of something then all of a sudden life leads you to the exact same situation again? Isn’t it funny how sometimes just when you've build your walls around you, life goes knocking it down once more? And isn’t it funny how sometimes, you would just have to let life do what it must.

Sometimes I find myself staring at you lost at thoughts. Do you ever get that feeling that you think you have a gazillion thoughts running in your head but in reality your mind is at total calm? Here’s what I’ll tell you, Baby and I hope you listen well. I’ve been hurt way too many times already – over and over again; and I had to pick myself up every single time. I’ve given my everything to someone who left me with nothing; and I had to fill myself up on my own. I’ve believed in love once upon a time yet reality never failed to hit me; and this is what I’ve gotten used to. Pardon me, Dear if I hold myself back to you; if I never fail to doubt your love. I’m scared as hell to fail at this again. I’m terrified you’d go and take away a part of me I could never regain.

You on the other hand has also loved and lost. I look at you and have this strong desire to be the one you’d need – not just when you’ve recovered; but for all of your days. The slightest touch sparks a strong emotion in me – wanting to devour myself unto you. I want to be the one you’d come home to every single night, we’d have dinner together with the kids, and tuck them in bed. I dream of the time we’d lie in bed together and talk about our day, fall asleep in each other’s arms, and wake up the next morning feeling as in love as we were the first time we fell in love with each other.

We’ve separately both dreamt and planned with other people and all of these came to nothing. I know how hard it is to go through this again. Yet at the same time it’s exciting to be planning our future together. Grief is a flavour that changes depending on who you lose and how you lose them. Like finding a deserted island after being cast away at sea. There is relief, there is huge sweeping relief. We just need to find a place free of tension and absolved of anxiety. Know within ourselves that this time around, all these planning would finally push through.

Believe that we found each other because we are suppose to love each other, heal each other and be with each other.

Life is not about searching for love. It's about being loveable and letting love find you.